Accepting different things in relationships depends a lot on you and the couple's dynamics. And as the third person in that decision, your feelings matter as well. Think about all this before you make your decision and don’t feel guilty for wanting something like that. We are all free to love and feel as we please, as long as we respect the others around us.
These days I received a "different" message in my inbox. It was a message from a woman. She was beautiful. Better yet, Brazilian. She wanted to meet me. I started to exchange some messages with her. After a few conversations, I was a bit disappointed to know that she was married. I clarified that I don’t get involved with married women. However, she said she didn’t want to cheat on her husband. In fact, they were after a threesome. At first I was confused. She said they are already used to it and that is something they like to do to expand their intimacy. I confess that I was always curious to participate in such a thing, but I imagined that in the future, being in a relationship with someone, would be something that we would talk and decide together. I never imagined that I would be the third person in someone's decision.
It made me think about it and want to write about that kind of decision, especially since there are many couples who consider this idea, but never have the courage to do it or don’t know how. So before I say what I answered to her, I will first write something about the subject.
Some people wonder what to do to spice up the relationship when it falls into the routine and the sex becomes just a compulsory and robotic action between the couple. When this happens and you've tried everything that came to mind as sex accessories, erotic videos and even though it has not worked, a good idea could be to innovate even more and perform a threesome.
Surely you have thought about this in one of your sexual fantasies and obviously your partner too. Or you have seen movies with scenes that suggested this or explicitly showed the act. A threesome (ménage à trois) is a practice that is gaining fame today and many couples have joined in to give an upgrade in their sexual relationship.
The motives that lead a couple to seek a third person for a sex experience together are the most diverse. A recurring sexual fantasy, for both men and women, the practice can generate losses and gains in the relationship. But for the ménage à trois to work out, some care has to be taken.
There are people who will soon say “No” before even thinking about it. But why they are so afraid of it? When there is consent of both parties, there is no betrayal, only fun.
What's more, making a ménage is one of the best ways to burn that men's “desire” that all women fear when they're in a serious relationship. Best of all, you can also allow yourself to participate and change things a little bit.
A threesome is not always done to get out of the routine. Sometimes it is a curiosity or a latent pleasure of the couple. The only thing is that the couple must be clear with each other! Desire must be something of both and not of a single person. Don’t surprise your partner with a third person, either male or female, without being sure about what he thinks about it or without talking to him before. Watching in a movie and finding it exciting is one thing. Practicing, in fact, is another thing completely different.
Also, s threesome made just to please the other person can generate heartaches, resentments, suspicions and a series of questions. The practice should not be made to "save" relationships or prove someone’s performance in bed.
I want to save my marriage
If that is your goal, give it up. A general concept is that the threesome experience should only give a spice touch to an already healthy sex life. The ménage will not collaborate for its improvement. It may even cause the couple to split up, because of the component of trying something new, but not saving it.
A relationship is based not only on sexual intercourse, but on life together as a whole. In raising kids together, in the family, in affinities, in differences. This decision will only spice up things, not save the whole context of the relationship.
Friend or unknown person?
When choosing who will be the third person to go to bed with is essential to have much talk between the two. There are no pre-established rules. The best option varies according to the profile of each couple.
Deciding on a known or unknown person should be a choice between the couple. So they should come to a consensus. There are pros and cons. Choosing a friend can be cool because there is already intimacy and thus more freedom in the threesome, but this can lead to a post-sex withdrawal and jealousy crises for "silly reasons”.
The most viable suggestion is to get someone in a club or a relationship website! They chat (the two together, as a couple), then call the person to a corner and open the game.
The participation of prostitutes can be a daunting factor for most women. Women often have trouble giving in to strangers.
They avoid kissing who they don’t know, and kissing is an important part of sex. Usually when the third person is hired, she enters into the relationship more to give pleasure than to receive. The reports I hear are that the wife of the couple did nothing with the prostitute, and the prostitute was the most active.
The taboo increases when the third is a man, either because the woman is in the position of holder of his desire or simply by the traditional male competition. The man to be admired and adored. When another man enters the relationship, a comparison happens, something that does not occur so much with the woman. But if this is the woman’s fantasy, it's worth negotiating with her mate for equal rights. And that is what the couple that approached me wanted.
Jealousy Vs. Threesomes
Two things that don’t fit together in a threesome with jealousy. The third person involved obviously will have relationships with your partner and you can’t be jealous, because from the moment you accepted, you can’t go back and make a scene during the sexual activity.
If you're a jealous, neurotic person, you'd better not even try, because you might get hurt and with a thousand thoughts in your head afterwards. There must be mutual trust between the couple and knowing that it is a thing of the moment, purely physical, without the involvement of feelings. Only a momentary sexual satisfaction.
If you can’t even think of seeing your partner with another person, stay away from the threesome. For the practice to be enjoyable, you and your partner need to be in tune! Intimacy and confidence are the two main points for making this experience incredible!
Little by little threesomes
One way to experiment without ever playing with everything in practice it gradually. Initially the couple can invite a third person just to watch both of them and masturbate while watching. Then they can go forward to one of the two of the couple to participate with the other person while the other person watches until the moment the three participate and exchange partners.
Don’t improvise. That means: don’t appear hand in hand with other guy in front of your boyfriend suggesting something spicy for that night. It's not going to work. The same rule applies to guys. Without talking before, it won’t happen.
Even the old male fantasy, of the girlfriend arriving with another girl, is very likely to doesn’t work if it is not clear before.
A fantasy is one thing. The reality is different. And, to put everything into practice without causing confusion, you need to be clear with each other.
Therefore, you should always make sure that everyone wants to participate in this game. Those suggestions whispered at the time of sex ("how about someone else with us?") are a good way to start the conversation. But everyone has to be aware that the search will begin.
Be with whoever you are, a ménage is not a dispute for attention. Nothing to keep timing what each one receives, to demand that the other have the same.
Instead of competing, let your girlfriend/boyfriend and the guest indulge themselves at ease. She/he should also have this attitude. Don’t be selfish.
The preparation ritual
The first time everyone will be nervous. This is the general rule. So the concern is to relax the environment and make everyone relax.
If it's a men's ménage, it's cool for the girl to be alone with the new companion for a moment. The boyfriend/husband can take a dip in the hydro, in the swimming pool, watch TV, while the two are free with conversation, kisses, drinks, etc.
If it is a female ménage, usually the girls start with each other, and the guy stands aside, waiting for the right time to enter the game.
As a general rule, don’t go for it as soon as you enter the room. But create a mood, relax, drink something.
There are not many rules here, and it's important that the three of you are at ease. So try to create the most pleasant and friendly environment possible.
Of course don’t start already taking your clothes off. It is always good to create a mood, talk nonsense, have a drink. But if the purpose of the meeting is to fulfill the fantasy of the ménage, don’t keep winding up hours, or someone can run out of time, get sleepy, lose the momentum.
Take initiative when you see that everyone is already very loose. Avoid letting the timing get cold.
Before starting the ménage, try to talk about life, employment, college, musical tastes, that movie that is on the theaters. It is also worth putting a relaxing music and drinking a wine or a beer so that you are all ready at the right moment.
The worst thing that can happen in a ménage is someone having to, literally, solve thing “by hand”. Think that obligatorily the ménage involves another person besides the couple. Therefore, the ideal is that someone is always interacting with someone, and that no one is left alone in the game.
Don’t dismiss protection
Have condoms to spare. You will need many of them, to change holes as often as you like. If your fantasy is to take turns from one to another, be prepared to wear new condoms at every turn.
If the guest insists to do without it, it is best to leave her/him out of the game and look for another person. Safe sex is a must.
And the feelings of the third person?
Every time we innovate in any area of our lives, we incur in risks. And this is no different when we talk about open relationships. Both the third person involved and each of the couple are at "risk" of falling in love again. It is obvious that the initial intention of this type of relationship is not to fall in love with another person, but this can happen. After all, we are all human and we can’t control this type of feelings. There are singles who have threesome sex with other singles and couples as usual, but without looking for romance. However, life can always surprise us and perhaps in some of these cases it can happen that the bachelor falls in love with one of the couple, or even both of them, but this does not guarantee that it will be equally matched, since the couple may be just looking for some fun. So both the third person and the couple run the risk of hurting their feelings in this relationship, but that is part of life, and we are all equally liable to hurt ourselves in relationships.
But what happened?
Well, I must admit that I was a bit afraid to accept this agreement. I decided to meet the couple first. We agreed to meet in a hotel restaurant. If the conversation went well, we'd just have to go upstairs and have some fun. And what did I decide? I can only say that trying new things is always something very good and rewarding. The rest I leave to your imagination. ;)