Blog menu
My Passion for Brazilian Women
 

Relationships

Is success something that scares you?

The world is not that different. Women are gaining space, but they continue to want to be cared for and loved as they used to.
As I said in my previous post, I'm dating an older woman. My friends, besides making fun of her being older, now joke around with her being successful. They call me a gigolo and ask me if she likes me to dress up pretty before we go out together. I know they are joking, and I really don’t care, but behind it there seems to be a veiled prejudice already rooted in our society.
Does age matter when it comes to relating to someone? For some time, older women who dated or married younger men were viewed with prejudice. And nowadays they still are! The truth is that age is not a definite factor for a relationship to work out, and they have proven this by dodging prying eyes and aggressive comments and relying on their instincts.
For the first time, women in their 20s and 30s, who work full time, are receiving higher wages than men in the same age group. This change is generating unexpected consequences in love relationships. This discrepancy may become even more apparent the more the woman is old , because the years of hard work make her even more successful.
Obviously men are different, and generalizing the whole genre would be very wrong. But you agree with me that there will always be the nostalgic male of the 1950s. That said, most men don’t feel intimidated by a strong and successful woman. In fact, many men find these qualities quite appealing and boast to family and friends when they find a girlfriend with those qualities (like me XD).
I have many female friends who are very successful in their professional lives and have a great difficulty in their love relationships, be it to find a new boyfriend or to keep the current one. I often hear that men are intimidated and afraid of strong, intelligent, and professionally successful women. But is this true? When and why dating a successful woman has become a problem? Do these problems arise more from men or from women?
In the twentieth century women underwent a major transformation, and outnumbered men in many fields: more college degrees, better grades, and single or childless mothers earn more than their peers in urban areas in the United States and some European countries.

In the twentieth century women outnumbered men in many fields

Given the long period of male supremacy, we may assume that men are now beginning to feel "emasculated", that is, castrated by the financial independence of women. Some people claim that men are less attracted to women who have the same (or higher) economic or educational level, and that successful women need to “dumb” themselves to get a man.
Researches related to the universe of love relationships show that these conclusions for the most part are misleading, and the thinking of "powerful women" and "men are intimidated by successful women" are most often used when women don’t want to do a self-analysis of their behaviors and their choices of men.
The problem is when the qualities that make this woman so successful in a professional life go through her relationship. For a woman to reach the top of her career, she may have needed to become very decisive, stubborn and aggressive. And when those qualities get too close to her relationship, men don’t like it.
This change is having new and unexpected consequences in the field of love relationships. Women are encountering types of hostility that they weren’t prepared to face, and are trying to figure out how to balance pride in their accomplishments with the need to give strength to their boyfriends'/husbands’ ego.
Young and affluent women say they are learning to advertise about their good financial situation in a very different way from men. For men, it is acceptable, and even desirable, to boast their high status. But for many women, this is not the case.
Women say that financial inequality has become evident in every aspect of dating: the place where you live, what you like to do for fun and how you travel. This often ends up failing to reveal who they really are - successful, focused women - with their boyfriends, who may be a bit behind when it comes to salaries.

Do powerful women intimidate you?

Men often feel intimidated or even insecure about women of high social value for a number of reasons, such as being successful in the profession, having a better car than theirs, or being not as handsome and well-fit than them.
What men need to understand is that the powerful woman already has everything they want. She doesn’t need YOUR money because she has HERS.
But the most important is: she is NOT her money. So don’t look at her that way.

What do they want?

What a woman in this position wants is a man that is secure about himself, self-confident, educated, and who has goals and objectives for his life.
This woman needs a man who is interesting, has a presence, values her company, and demonstrates that being with her is important.
Contemporary men aren’t the same, and this diversity has been neglected by scholars. It’s difficult to find anthropologists who talk about the subject, psychologists who don’t see men from the perspective of women and researchers who indicate current studies about it. What we found to be unanimous is the disorientation that today haunts the male sex. The man himself tends to want to be a mystery to women. He doesn’t open his heart like women, he prefers to a keep secret about who he really is and even participate in secret and restricted environments.

What do we, as men, want?

From an early age we have dealt with masculine expectations that are utopian: no man can reach them. Those who try, find in front of themselves a path of denial of their emotions, which include not crying, not being weak, not losing, not refusing to compete. Masculinity, as we have produced and reproduced over the generations, proposes that men affirm themselves as men at all times: "Be a man!", my grandfather always told me. "Speak like a man!" And I, who was never a "male model”, could never understand why I couldn’t be a man. After all, I couldn’t meet the expectations that always weighed on me, just because I was born with a penis.
One must realize how much this discourse on masculinity is perverse and utopian. There are men who refuse to treat or seek diagnosis of prostate cancer because they don’t allow themselves to be fragile, and because they fear the mythical “finger examination”, fearing thereby their "feminization".

We need to change the way we think

A few years ago man was born with the mission of making money and being the provider of the family. Nothing less was expected. If the woman worked and contributed with something to the family budget, it was a great victory. But the women decided that they wanted to work too, that they wanted equality of life, and with that, we have today several families in which the woman is the person who makes more money, the provider.
Anyone who is going through this circumstance can try to talk to their partner. The couple who rejoice at the good performance of the other lives better. For those who accept this new situation, relationships become easier, and everyone wins when he or she is happy with the success of the other. Good dialogue is typical of those who don’t hide and seek equal opportunities. Who doesn’t want to change or to grow?
Society says: “It’s very normal for the man to feel bad, embarrassed and afraid to be judged by family and friends”. It’s very important that you, as a couple, agree with the situation and talk openly about it. Sometimes it’s a temporary situation, like the loss of a job. In other cases it’s the reality. And you know what? It's all right. Between four walls, what matters is your happiness, not who pays the bills. If you are happy, the comments or pressure from society doesn’t matter. Ignore it.
In the old division of tasks, while the man was the original provider, the woman would be the person who should stay at home, taking care of the family's home and well-being. In the current scenario, the couple needs to talk and understand how to share those responsibilities. Many women who succeed or who earn more than their partners don’t want to come home and still have to be the head of the household. You need to understand how best to divide the activities and you, boy, need to understand that you will also need to do the dishes, take care of the children, etc.

In fact, many men are afraid of not being enough

For some men, having a more successful woman can entail a great fear of loss. A common thought for some men is that the woman would rather have someone with the same status, ambition. This is not necessarily true. If your partner wants someone ambitious and who collaborates in the same way at home, the professional difference can be a big problem. Normally, before a step as great as marriage, both of you need to align your dreams, desires and understand if you share the same ideals. Love may not be able to keep together two people with very different dreams and expectations.

How to deal with money?

Who owns the money? The woman, who earns more than the man? The couple? How to manage earnings? I don’t think it’s wrong for a woman to want to keep a part of the salary for future projects in a separate account and the rest put into a joint account. But again, each couple has a different dynamic and it will depend on you understanding the best way to deal with it.
Just one point of attention: think about it before money becomes a big problem in the relationship. Plan while the gap is still small.
Women are gaining space, but they continue to want to be cared for and loved as they used to.
So here are some tips on how to deal with this very common difference so that doesn’t disturb the dynamics of the relationship, from beginning to end.

Show that her success is not a problem

If you want to win over a woman who is head of a company or has another important position, ideally you treat the girl as if this fact isn’t so important.
The same goes for women who possess more sophisticated things than you, such as an apartment, a fashionable car, etc.
Also, don’t be afraid to criticize her when you need to, which will prove that you have a firm grip aren’t flattering her.
Just be aware that any not-so-positive comments are not expressed aggressively.

Don’t overdo in praise

This tip doesn’t exclude the possibility of praising her. But what I recommend is that you don’t do it so much. She must hear compliments all the time, not just from other suitors, but also from friends, co-workers, family, among others.
If you feel like praising, avoid exaggerated excitement. In addition, opt for compliments that run away from the obvious, after all, she must already be tired of the same clichés.

Be bold in romantic gestures

Just because the woman already has almost everything, that doesn’t mean that she is averse to romanticism. Because of this, remember to bet on romantic gestures to try to arouse the interest of a successful woman.
The confirmation that she is successful doesn’t change the fact that she is a woman, a human being who deserves respect and to be loved. Don’t put her success as a deciding factor in your relationship and relax! Enjoy what you feel for each other.