When you are interested in a woman who likes to talk, that is, most of them, you have to take this opportunity to show that you are good at chatting too. Therefore, how to keep the woman interested in the conversation integrates the techniques of seduction needed to get along with the most beautiful women.
In fact, the woman likes to talk more than to listen during a conversation, so you cannot take away her pleasure. However, there are those that do more or less that and when you come across a lady that also likes to listen, it’s important that you know what to talk about. When the girl listens to what a guy has to say, she prefers it to be something worthwhile, fun or clever.
The best topics to have with a girl will also depend on the type of woman she is, and some subjects may be more relevant than others. Talking about relationships, man and woman behavior is always a topic that draws more attention and it will get even more amazing if you are the kind of man who likes to talk about it.
So, a way to surprise and even win a woman with a conversation is by showing that you can talk and have your own opinions about love relationships. This will make the woman believe that you are a sensitive guy and that at the time of having that discussion about the relationship, you don’t try to escape the conversation.
Having a good conversation can be, especially for the very shy people, a great challenge to overcome. There are times when we want to make a good impression, not bore the girl or avoid being without any subjects. All this without falling into the typical silences that seem to last an eternity. In the online context, this silence may indicate the possibility of you never talking to her again.
For others, finding interesting things to say is hard, something that can lead us to see ourselves as uninteresting people or who don’t know what to say. This can lead us to panic at the idea of meeting new people, which in turn creates even more insecurity. The good thing is that not everything is lost. It’s possible to learn to be good at having conversations with some simple techniques.
Remember that people who have the hardest time keeping an interesting conversation are usually more susceptible to the opinion of others.
The truth is that people like this analyze much more what they will say and their filter has a very high bar: nothing seems attractive enough to be considered, and therefore they discard it. This is how they end up running out of subjects and bound to the same silence they fear so much.
So, before we look at the strategies we can use to be better at talking, we need to make one thing clear: the fear of judgment, disapproval, or criticism needs to be overcome. The key to achieving this lies in accepting the opinion of others as it is, just an opinion. A judgment of another person doesn’t have to correspond with the reality, because it’s based on their own scale of values and their own experiences.
This position is not contrary to maintaining the prudence of our participation during different conversations in which we are involved. It’s not a matter of silencing everything that passes through our heads, but of manifesting it properly and eliminating what can harm us without necessity: prudence, which is not lack of assertiveness or cowardice, is a great value that helps to strengthen our relationships.
Technique: Active Listening
The term is in vogue, and for good reason: with so many people talking about everything the whole time, really listening has an advantage.
Active listening is one in which your attention is really dedicated to what the person is saying, not only in search of a pause to put your own opinion.
And it can help a lot to have a more fluid conversation, since there may be new topics for both of you to talk about.
When someone engages in some subject, you can listen carefully to the subject and understand better the relationship between you and your interlocutor. And don’t worry about appearing to be paying close attention: if you're really paying attention, that will be clear.
Why is this subject interesting and how did she came up with it, for example? How does it fit in the day to day life of the person you’re talking to? Has it had any impact on her life? If the subject really interests her, is there any reference you recommend? And so it goes.
Another good rule? Think about your own passions. What would you like people to ask about you?
Attitude: Don’t pretend
Don’t want to get exhausted from a conversation? So, don’t pretend you’re interested in it.
Don’t pretend to be interested in what you don’t really care about or pretend curiosity, whether you're listening to someone else or talking about your own interests. If this behaviour seems false to you, chances are it will look fake to the other person as well.
Use your emotion and energy in the right way. When you’re genuinely involved, interested and optimistic, the chance of the other feeling the same way increases.
Technique: The plunging stone
Rob Riker, from The Social Winner, is an expert in conversations. One of his favorite techniques is "the sinking stone", a metaphor for skipping the superficial part of a conversation and actually engaging your interlocutor through emotion.
To do this, you have to follow three steps:
- Have a fact about the other person
What she likes, what she does or has already done, something she said or mentioned. Keep it close, but not too personal.
- Ask about an emotion related to the fact
For example, "Do you like this subject?" or "What are the biggest challenges for anyone who deals with this subject normally?"
- Understand why that emotion came
"Why is it so interesting to you?" or "Oh, I figured this would work otherwise. What made you learn so much about this? "
If you are aware of the answers, you will learn a lot about the other person, and quickly. So new subjects can come more naturally - and you will genuinely enjoy yourself.
Balance of qualities
Don’t be a so said intellectual or a circus clown.
If you are a smart guy, this is not the time to demonstrate the extent of your knowledge by talking about the stock exchange and related issues. There are other ways to keep a conversation with a woman without seeming a tremendous douchebag.
Share with each other your experiences about movies, music, travel, parties and even nerd topics (higher than ever among women). This won’t only leave the girl interested in you and your intelligence as it will help in keeping the conversation with her.
In the case of humor, everyone likes funny chats and women are no exception. But the line between fun and ridicule is tenuous, and you must be careful not to overtake it.
Show your mood to break that annoying silence by reporting on facts known, such as a lively interview on a Talk Show, a comedy movie or a funny remembrance of past times (also showing your good memory).
However, never appeal to jokes or crude tricks. It will only make you look like a clown in her eyes.
Beyond that, try to stay interested in what she is talking about and take advantage of every possible loophole to bring common interests to the forefront of the conversation.
Stay tuned for the latest news
It's a great strategy that creates new threads of conversation. Ask if the person saw the last political debate and what they think about it, or if they can recommend some interesting movie that you have not yet seen. Before going to any social event, it’s good for you to be informed about the latest news and keep in mind 4 or 5 subjects that can be used in a conversation.
What if we have nothing in common?
If this is the case, you’re facing a great opportunity to learn! Imagine that you need to talk to someone who talks about plants and that you have no idea about it. Begin by asking questions, "I've always wanted to know more about what you're talking about, what's the difference between plant x and plant y?". That way, it’s a win-win opportunity: you can talk to that person and also take a learning curve. The girl will realize that you don’t know about the subject, but that you have an interest in it, and this also creates a bond between you.
Analyze if there’s reciprocity
Does she enjoy talking to you as much as you enjoy talking to her? Does she also show interest in what you like or the initiative always come from you? Do you write several big texts and posts and does she answer in a monosyllabic way? Be careful not to create too many expectations without knowing if the other person reciprocates what you feel. If you answered “yes” to the above questions, review the way you’re talking to the girl or unsettle and leave to look for another.
Don’t be reckless
Everything has its time. It's no use wanting to book a motel or ask for nudes from a girl you just met. Take it easy, man. Try not to spend all day exchanging messages. It will show that you have nothing else to do with your life. Create a relationship of trust, respect and - why not - caring. It'll make it much easier for you to call the girl out.
These are some strategies you can start using to have an interesting conversation next time and avoid the uncomfortable silence. But, don’t forget, the most important thing is to know that the opinion of others is not as valuable as you think, and that you have the right to manifest yours, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.