Fall in love. Live intensely. But don’t completely turn off your brain. The heart and the brain have to work together, especially when the eyes don’t see and the hands don’t touch.
Can I fall in love in the Internet?
That was the question I was asked these days.
Of course! It was my first response. As one great philosopher of the present day puts it, "the real is in the virtual as a tree is in a seed”. His phrase, of course, is a little more complex and profound (of Aristotelian origin and such, you can read more here), but this simplification helps.
Yes! We can fall in love online: via the Internet, chat, Whatsapp, Apps, in life. We can fall in love with people we meet on a daily basis and the ones that enter it through the small screen of your computer or smartphone.
We can fall in love anywhere. We are programmed for this, to share, to relate, to live. Everything is a matter of what we seek for people.
When we fall in love offline, it’s like we’re in the presence of a tree sprouting, with its original form: integrated nature and facing storms, heats and plagues.
In virtual (Internet) it’s similar. There is the attachment, the energy bond and the primordial human sense: the emotional connected by reason and affinities. By suppressing voids, by filling a hole that in the real world competes with other problems and sometimes, it’s not even so gleaming.
The information you should keep in mind is: yes, fall in love virtually, but prepare for a different notion of what is real. It’s almost impossible not to idealize, but try to keep your feet on the ground a little (even if this is frustrating).
The virtual potentializes the real in form, concept and touch. One doesn’t replace the other. One is in the other. Amplifying the other. Increasing. Creating. Evolving.
In addition, the real-world problems are also in the virtual, and also potentiated, so beware. There’s not a mark or ray on the forehead that indicates that that individual is a hero or a villain.
But is it possible to fall in love with a person, even if she’s distant?
The more the internet access grows, the more friendships without borders are created. Over time, the conversations that are shared are creating a strong bond. You can discover unusual things that aren’t found anywhere. Besides a friendship or a love can be born.
There's only one problem for me (if I may call it that): the distance. There are people who don’t see this as a problem. For them, to see each other occasionally (when they can) is something as natural as a "normal" date.
In my opinion, I think that to love someone but to be separated is something very hard.
Not that a relationship is restricted to physical presence, kisses and caresses. I just think that it would be nice, you know, to meet each other. There are times when a caress speaks more than a thousand words. A hug speaks more than a thousand declarations of love.
There must be many people who ask this question: why do nice people live far away?
I met someone on the internet and fell in love – What now?
Falling in love online is possible and very common! I myself am a "victim" of a relationship that began on the internet, like you all know. I met my current girlfriend in this relationship website. When we she was going to college near my city (she’s from Brazil) and I lived in Rio. We became very good friends, with no intention of dating (at the time I didn’t even know I also liked girls). After some time of much talk without any pretension, we finally got together and you could read this in my blog.
Did you see that happy story? Could be the theme of the next romance novel, right? It would look good with vampires and werewolves as well… XD
Well, leaving my story aside (it was just to show you how it is possible!), I will give some tips to those who are in this phase of "virtual passion".
Talk is good and it is necessary
And not to mention that it is essential to knowing the person that you fell in love right? I often say to people that I am much cooler on the internet than in person, so good chat is paramount.
It doesn’t matter where you've met
It can be in a chat room (yes, a lot of people still know each other in online chats!), online games, relationship sites or through friends in common. No way is less important and safer than the other.
Beware of bad intentions
Seriously, people, as I said the person can be much cooler on the internet and use this factor to cheat you. You have to be very careful about exposing yourself on the internet. Common sense, okay? If it starts with a strange chat it's best to be smart!
Some understand, others don’t
Will you tell people that you fell in love with someone on the Internet? Some will laugh at your face, others will support you and some will be apprehensive. The important thing is that you are happy!
The first meeting has to happen
After much talk the desire to meet in person will end up coming. Guys, even if talked a lot, arrange that first meeting in a public place, okay? It's always better to be safe. Myself, after some time talking to my girlfriend over the internet, I had my first date at a public place just for a guarantee, okay? Turned out it was not a bad idea!
Watch out for stalkers
That goes for any kind of relationship. Digging into a person's profile and imagining bullshit is not worth it! Also be careful of someone is digging too much into your life.
Bringing people together
The internet has brought us the opportunity to meet interesting people who have some affinity with us, as well as to meet friends that we have not seen for a long time and that we didn’t maintain contact with.
In this way, the internet is an excellent way to (re)connect people. These interpersonal relationships, if evaluated positively, require investment, that is, they need to be worked through "real" contact through touch, affection and the "eye in the eye" dynamics that can’t occur in chats.
Passion X Love
Falling in love is something complex: it involves behavioral, biochemical, neurophysiological, hormonal, and psychic stimuli. At the beginning of the passion we have the tendency to relate to an idealized being through our projections, fantasies and needs that need to be fulfilled.
On the other hand, we want to show our loved one the best of us, representing an important aspect in the process of conquest. The creation of expectations both of ourselves and of the other, if not elaborated through actual experiences, can lead to a relationship of disappointment and frustration.
When the passion frenzy passes, it is when we perceive the individual as he is. At this point we wonder that the person doesn’t behave in the same way. In other words, we no longer recognize the aspects that were inherent to the person and were the maintainers of the relationship.
A passion can last from about 6 months to 2 years, to maintain this passion, the body expends a lot of energy, which would be biologically counterproductive to keep the person in love for much longer.
It’s at this very moment that we can see the person as he is, without our idealizations and fantasies. On the other hand, we can’t keep for very long what we’re not, coming to the surface real aspects of our own personality.
The fantasies are gone. The masks fall. We stand face to face with each other in what we are in fact and in what the other is in fact: this is the moment of truth. At this boiling point, it’s up to the couple to be able to move on to the next step or not.
If the relationship has subsidies to move to the next step, a mature and solid relationship emerges. If this doesn’t happen, we victimize ourselves, we blame the other, we try to modify him/her in the hope of restoring the idealized being, which is impracticable.
In the impossibility of maintaining an idealized relationship, everything falls apart, due to lack of synchronicity and identification, as well as the search for compensation for what we don’t find in us or in the other.
But when does the virtual relationship become passion?
The passion in "real life" already brings in its core all the above mentioned issues: in the search in the other what is lacking in ourselves and our fantasies and idealizations.
And when this happens in the virtual world? What happens? Imagine the whirlwind of fantasies of this idealized and surplus passion.
With the new forms of subjectivation and the unfolding in the psyche resulting from the virtual relationship, how it is "falling in love" on the internet? How to replace kinesthetic grace in the structuring of the affective bond in the initial phase of the relationship? We fall in love in the same way, but with one detail: the possibility of a romantic disappointment in a virtual relationship grows exponentially, even because there is a possibility that the profile doesn’t correspond to the person in fact. And when this happens, what do we do with what we feel? What do we do with our expectations?
Virtual relational dynamics are full of expectations and surprises, which we are often not prepared to face.
In this way, it takes a lot of emotional maturity to get involved in a virtual relationship. It’s necessary to learn to make environmental readings, to be attentive to the small details.
Equally important is sharing the virtual relationship with friends or family, because when we are emotionally involved, we don’t interpret the facts well and tend to think that the person has no flaws.
On the other hand, the unknown, the unfolding of new horizons fascinates us. We are attracted to the different, unusual, new, enigmatic. All this added to the convenience of the computer, with people and types for all tastes amid the disposability that guides our relationships, we can choose who to relate to.
Just follow your heart and brain at the same time
I’m not against or in favor of virtual relationships. Many people find lasting friendships and even successful marriages through the internet, such they find dishonest people, scammers, etc.
The internet is a tool that can be beneficial or harmful. So, the most important tip is: like everything in life, it all depends on how you use it.
And most important of all I will exemplify with a conversation that my mother and I always have:
Mom: Are you happy, Leah? Will her make you happy?
I: Yes, mom, I'm happy.
Mother - Then enjoy it!
Doing what makes you happy does you well and doesn’t hurt (it's good to the heart).
Is anyone here a victim of love on the internet, or do you know a couple who met this way? Leave me a comment!