It’s even understandable that you seek a direct connection between great friendship and a love, with an increase of physical intimacy, and that, therefore, you’re waiting for such attraction or chemistry to arise at any moment between you. But not everyone thinks so. And possibly your suitor doesn’t see relationships that way either. That is, he probably makes a greater distinction between a friend and a loving partner than you.
Staying home hoping that prince charming will fall from the sky has never been a good strategy. But today, with the help of technology, that's almost all you have to do. You just need to fill in some of your information, upload good photos and then wait for the digital Cupid to do his part.
But of course, some tips are never too much. Therefore, based on my experience, I decided to put here some tips for you to do well online:
Select carefully the information and photos you want to share
If you’re looking for a boyfriend, it’s not enough to fill your profile with photos of you in clubs, drinking all the booze and looking all messed up.
Are you just looking for something casual? Make that clear! Filling in your profile as if you want something more serious just to snatch up some hot guys might be a bad idea. This goes for guys too, of course!
But if you intend to have a good time with someone without commitment, it doesn’t mean that your profile page has to be a mess, okay? Remember that it is your image that is at stake, regardless of your current love need.
Talk with the guy without giving him your WhatsApp
Handle that anxiety of yours. As much as virtual chat is not as good, don’t rush to give your number to a stranger.
Even if we can block unpleasant people, we'd better take it easy, instead of sending our Whatsapp number to a suitor with whom we exchanged half a dozen words with.
Would you invite someone you barely know to go to your house?
In addition, he may find it too easy to get your number and that you may be needy or desperate. That is, that you are an easy prey...
Ask him if he’s really available
This seems silly, but it’s necessary, because to say that he’s single can mean: in an open relationship, single, but dating at the same time, single with children, etc. There’s a type of single person for all tastes. Take your pick.
So ask him if he has a girlfriend, a fiancé, a wife, a date, someone he’s having sex with, some friend with benefits, whatever... Especially in relationship websites, it's better to be specific than to leave room for misunderstanding.
Be wary if he says he doesn’t have Facebook, for example
Although it’s not a rule, almost everyone has a page on Face, Instagram, Twitter or somewhere else. And if the guy created a profile in a social network specialized in relationships, why not in others?
Generally, married men are often behind this "trick”.
Did you get his profile on the traditional social networks? Enjoy to investigating him then, to know his tastes and thoughts by searching the pages he follows, his posts and his friends. Check out if his virtual flirting lifestyle has something to do with yours.
If you have mutual friends, even better! Ask your friend about the person you are talking with.
Before scheduling the first date, try to talk with him on the phone
Yes. Call him, listen to his voice, because it's easier on the Internet. We have more time to be the "ideal person", writing interesting things to impress the other.
Talking on the phone requires more agility and makes the other think faster not to miss the timing of the chat.
Speaking by listening to the other person’s voice is also a good option to reminisce about the details that you have handled over the internet, especially the ones he wasn’t clear about.
For example: "Do you work where?", "When did you finish exactly?", "How was that lunch?". The idea is to remember dates or things linked in time. When the guy lies, he can’t keep up with that.
A precious rule that never changes: schedule the first date in a public place, preferably in a mall
It can be for a coffee, a beer, a movie, lunch, anything. You’re not lacking of options.
Avoid isolated places or to stay in a stationary car. And don’t forget to tell a friend or relative where you're going.
Be careful with the friendzone
But even following all these tips, there are some relationship dynamics that can get in your way. Especially in emotional matters. It may be that unintentionally, after going out with that boy and even having something with him, you end up falling into the trap of the friendzone later. This trap is not necessarily something he's doing to you. Your perception and maintenance of the "semi-passionate" or even “totally in love” emotional state can put you right in the "wolf's mouth".
Of course, you can’t control someone else’s heart. But when you can force yourself to prevent the relationship from becoming a friendship, it doesn’t hurt to try, right? Here's how to avoid the feared friendzone:
Escape from the good girl stereotype
In general, those who fall into the friendship zone are part of the "good boy" or "good girl" team.
It's not that you have to go out there and pretend that you’re someone you’re not. I’m not saying this! Just learn to prioritize – and communicate – your own needs, instead of promoting only the emotional comfort of others.
For example, if you are attracted to someone, how about letting go of this story of not "pushing" the other person about starting a relationship or ruining the friendship?
When trying to win over a friend, never completely change your behavior or start liking and criticizing the same things as him just to please him. This, as well as false, will appear forced, typical of the behavior of a “sponge woman”, which absorbs everything and has no personality. By being friends, he will quickly realize the change and this can be fatal in the conquest and affect even your friendship.
In that way, act differently, but always natural, and have the smartness to know how to deal with each moment and how to approach him. Remember: it’s not for you to look like a crazy person, but to know the exact time to leave the guy confused, not knowing exactly what you want.
Express your interest: take the first step
The feelings of others are no more important than yours. Seek balance.
Remember that by acting as if your emotions and thoughts don’t matter you are communicating exactly this to the world, even if you’re doing this unconsciously.
Result: In addition to be victim frequently of the friendzone, you’ll probably give the impression that you don’t trust yourself and that you have low self-esteem.
Start acting differently
All right, you've made up your mind: it's worth risking your friendship for this guy. You really want something more in this relationship. Without a doubt, the first action then is to begin to act differently so that he notices that you’re feeling something more.
Start by getting more mysterious, not revealing everything to him and getting a little distant in comments he makes referring to other women, for example. He may even begin to find you a little strange, but that will make him look at you differently, like you have some "something”.
But beware: don’t overdo it! You need to have a firm grip and be well-resilient in your attitudes. If you get too "weird" suddenly it may seem strange and he’ll get more detached, moving away from you.
Be more independent
Probably one of the reasons you’re interested in this person and he’s putting you in the friendzone is the fact that you send signs that you urgently want to be in a relationship.
Despair doesn’t combine at all with the power of conquest. Let’s be honest here.
So don’t rush things emotionally. Hold the anxiety. This can even lead to another quite common mistake: putting the target of your passion on a pedestal.
All because you’re so caught up in the idea of a relationship that you soon believe with all your might that this person is perfect. That's friendzone right there!
Analyze your dependence on this person and know that it’s not the end of the world if he or she doesn’t want you. Relax and stop treating this platonic story as if it were the last possible chance of love of your life.
Keep in mind the differences between friendship and a love relationship
Love, friendship, sympathy and similarity: these feelings are the brightest moments of our lives. They become the source of joy and positive energy, but at the same time can also become the reason for great problems and disappointments. It’s important to know what these feelings mean and what are their characteristics to avoid possible mistakes. Often the lack of knowledge in this subject can lead to misunderstanding and ultimately to poor or even tragic consequences.
Sometimes people mix love and friendship, or love and passion/ sexual attraction. All of these feelings are important and reflect different aspects of our lives, but not all of them are enough to create a family. It’s difficult for ordinary people to make an assessment of the difference between love and friendship. Professionals also don’t share common opinion on this subject. So how do we know when it’s love and when it’s friendship?
First of all, love and friendship are relationships, which require time, effort, and many other characteristics that form a mutual relationship. Both love and friendship take on emotional involvement, care, respect and devotion. Both feelings undergo transformations with the flow of time and go through different stages.
You may have several friends, but being in a love relationship is something very rare and is considered somewhat out of the norm in certain communities. In others they can be considered as something normal, because the religious beliefs and culture allow this and it becomes something normal. This is one of the differences between love and friendship. Another undeniable difference between love and friendship is sexual attraction.
Friendship generally doesn’t assume any sexual attraction at all, and most forms of love (in the context of the relationship between people in love) include sexual attraction. Love can be reciprocal or not, and in this field it is expressed more as an attitude. It’s difficult to imagine this in a friendship. Either it exists or it doesn’t. Friendship a relationship which emerges in the articulation of various spheres, that is, emotional, mental, physical, etc.
For a person, true love can be a complete involvement in the relationship and share each moment of life together. To another person, true love can mean complete freedom. And both will be right, for true love can have so many manifestations that it’s simply impossible to place it in rigid limits or in some definite forms.
When you find that the relationship is moving into a courtship and you take a bold step forward revealing what you feel and want, as an ultimate move in a chess game, be prepared for a "and they lived happily ever after" outcome but also to listen to the clichés: "Your company is great, I adore you, but I need to solve some things with me and my life before I get involved with someone”.
Let's face it: everything was very beautiful and very good, but nowadays relationships don’t take more weeks or months to evolve. People tend to show their interests right away. Sometimes we deceive ourselves and believe in what we want to believe, instead of seeing all the real nuances of what we live. We embark on bored stories to avoid loneliness. We fantasize. The good side of this is that we always learn, we mature, we improve. Everything passes. We have heard thousands of “no(s)” in childhood and will hear them a thousand times more.