The most important tip is: remember that there are thousands of women online, so if one is not giving you attention, just go on to the next one. Never just talk to a woman! Over time, you will learn to put everything that will be said here into practice, but don’t despair if they don’t work on the same day. This is something that takes time and demands practice. Don’t be afraid to be who you really are. You have great qualities and you need to make the person who you’re talking to realize it.
Since I started writing this blog, I have received several messages from men who want tips on how to talk to women and behave online. So, instead of just replying one by one, I decided to create a post about it.
It may seem easy, but you won’t believe how many men don’t know how to chat with women online! The problem is that they end up being unsuccessful and blame online dating.
Anyone can talk on the internet. But will anyone be able to make the online chat be worth your time? This is not always easy. There are cases where the person can’t make the conversation flow properly and the two can end up running out of subjects to talk about. There are cases where the person feels bored and stops talking to you.
Thinking about this, I decided to write some tips on the matter.
How you should start chatting with women online
Starting a chat with women online is the most difficult step! Just one false sentence and the woman will immediately go to another person!
When you talk face to face, there are several factors that count in your favor, such as body language, for example. However, in the online conversation, where there is only text, much is lost. For it to be efficient, it is necessary for you to know what to write.
Chatting online can be very difficult for someone who doesn’t know exactly what to say. When you first talk to someone, it is important to look at the person's profile. That way you will know a better way to start the conversation. Please, don’t start the conversation with the famous "Hi, what’s up?". Of course, this may work with some people, but not with all of them. Just imagine how many people start a conversation that way. Certainly most of them.
If you want to stand out, you must be creative. Starting the conversation in a different way can make a big difference.
It's clear that not every man is born knowing how to talk to a woman, but some things should be instinctive. If you want to learn how to chat with a hot girl, start learning what should not be done or said in any way! Learn below some things that should and should not be done:
- Start by saying why you're talking to her: women like to feel special. They wonder why you chose them. Say you have read their profile (and it is good that you have really read it) and list the features that attracted you;
- Talk about yourself: say you are looking for the same things as her and talk a little about yourself, but don’t talk about yourself the whole time. Even if she likes to know more about you, she will lose interest if you don’t want to also talk about her;
- Ask questions: try to understand the woman. Ask her what she likes, what her hobbies are, etc., but never ask personal questions, such as where she works and things like that;
- Convey confidence and flexibility: the best way to let the person at ease and comfortable to talk is to make her feel confidence in you. Demonstrating that you are open to listening to her opinions without criticism also makes the conversation even more enjoyable;
- Let the woman lead the conversation: women online are always more courageous than in real life. Let them lead the conversation to where she wants;
- Don’t talk about your ex-girlfriends: mentioning qualities and defects of your ex in this first conversation might make the girl notice that you are still thinking about your ex;
- Don’t mention your own faults: that everyone has faults we already know, but you don’t have to throw them in her face. After all, she hasn’t even had the chance to know your qualities;
- Avoid controversial issues: discussing opinions about political, religious or cultural divergences may simply end the relaxed atmosphere of the conversation and, consequently, the interest of both. There is no problem in talking about politics, religion or culture, as long as the ideas don’t clash. If this happens, changing subjects quickly may be the best way out. Leave the controversial themes for another occasion;
- Watch out for your English and the language you use on the internet: for those who are connected and defender of the language, errors with the English can be fatal. Be careful with what you write. Certainty is not with an “S” at the beginning, and Congratulations is not with a “Z” at the end. The lack of knowledge of the official language may frighten some people. Also, not everyone knows all the abbreviations and word meanings of the internet language. So use it with moderation;
- Don’t make things too easy: you want to know how to seduce a beautiful woman. Also, that women probably has many suitors already. Don’t make things too easy for her, praising her all the time. Trust me. The only thing you will get is an inflated ego. In addition, she should receive this kind of praise at all times. Look for a characteristic in her that no other men perceived and exalt it. You'll see how that will make all the difference;
- Don’t show despair: as much as you want to learn how to talk to a specific woman, don’t show her that you are desperate. This doesn’t mean that you should not pay attention to her. She appreciates this in a man, but you have to respect her space. Don’t annoy her. You’ll look like a loser. Always be direct with her. Most women don’t like games that make them curious (unlike them, ironically, who prefer to let things between the lines).
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The amazing emotional validations
Most men are so preoccupied with pleasing a woman that they forget that point. In fact I would say that most men don’t even know how to use this strategy.
This technique of "emotional validation" uses a psychological loophole, which we all have, of always wanting to please someone whose opinion we respect. Here is where you can completely reverse the game and make you the true prize of the interaction.
While all other men are trying to make a woman like them, you can force the woman to want to please you and want to get your attention.
After all, that's what you want, right?
Another reason to use this technique is to demonstrate that you have high quality standards for women. A woman enjoys a man who focuses on more than just beauty.
And you also create a "challenge" for her. Beautiful women usually base their self-esteem only on their beauty. So if you demonstrate that you are interested in much more than just their appearance, they will see you as a challenge, because you are not bewitched by the shallow beauty of her.
A beautiful woman feels that she doesn’t have to do much to please most men, as they all drool and show that they are already attracted by her. You are also attracted by her, but you won’t demonstrate that.
There are two ways to do this:
- Positive validation;
- Negative validation.
It is advisable to start by making positive validations and then start to do negative validations.
Example of a positive and negative validations:
For example, in a conversation, you say to the woman "I like that you are a girl who does X, because the other girls all do Y. This shows that you are different and that you aren’t influenced by other people”. All people like to hear compliments, especially if you say that she is different and special.
Use negative validations in the interaction to show that she hasn’t completely impressed you. Never show the woman that you’re totally into her. She will lose interest quickly. We all like things harder to get/conquer.
TIP: When you have done many "positive validations" and you see that the woman is too full of herself, it’s time to make negative validations. Never let a woman know that she has totally conquered you at this game. Let her curious all the time about what your position is. "You're special" and "But I don’t think it's cool that you do Y”.
Believe in the power of silence
One of the great problems is that most men seem to be afraid of silence. Many men die of fear to talk to a beautiful woman and suddenly there’s silence. They don’t know what to do to correct this problem.
Instead of dying for fear of the silence in the interaction, try to be comfortable in times of silence. Silence is great to force a woman to say something.
Don’t be desperate to keep the conversation alive. Women will notice your despair. When silence happens, keep in touch with the woman through your eyes. Make her feel responsible and make her try to create something to talk about.
Let her react to you. And not the other way around.
For the woman to be interested in you, she has to react more to you than you react to her. This is super essential in any human interaction.
Cause curiosity and emotion
These two words together cause a real bomb effect on the female mind. Why? Women, by themselves, are already extremely curious and emotional. You know that, so when we have these two words as a conversation opener, everything becomes practically PERFECT, since basically 99% of them will respond positively to you.
A nice tip: try to create your own openers yourself. Use your creativity. Avoid talking the same thing two, three times. Use it with a woman, discard it and create a new one for another one. Make your mind work on these two words when it's time to start a conversation with a woman: curiosity and emotion.
Avoid falling into the trap of the most frequent mistakes in the initial conversations with women. Here are some of these errors:
Being dependent and needy
When speaking to a woman, be aware that she will not always answer on time, and sometimes won’t answer at all. And no, not always problem is you. When talking to someone on the internet (not just women) there are THOUSANDS of possibilities that can affect how that person answer to you:
- Poor Internet connection;
- She is really busy;
- She, like you, is playing.
And when do I know that I should move on to the next step?
This all depends on the type of woman you have chosen. A woman looking for a husband will take much longer until she has the confidence to go to a real date. And a woman who wants casual sex will be much faster to schedule the hot encounter that your both desire. Chatting with women online also implies on knowing how to wait!
If you think the woman is taking too long, try to give discreet tips during the conversations, but never be too obvious! If you try to force it, the woman may give up.
When we think we need to have too much confidence to do something, we put even more pressure on our heads. Act naturally, as if you already knew this woman. Be spontaneous and true, so it will be much easier to develop something more with it. Good luck!
- Try to show interest without looking desperate;
- Use positive and negative emotional validations. They do miracles;
- Don’t be afraid of silence in a conversation. It can be a powerful ally;
- Try to create curiosity and emotion in the person you are talking to. Women respond well to this;
- Know what you want before you take the next step. Trust yourself and move on.