Blog menu
My dating world

Themes

Archives

woman-stressed-beside-computer
December 28, 2017
 

Online Dating

How to deal with jealousy online?

Love is a panacea. Solve all evils. It’s the only thing we all need. The difference between all of us is that each one demonstrates this need in a way, and the feeling of jealousy is one of them.
I get a lot of messages asking me if I'm very jealous of Camila and how I deal with jealousy, especially in an online relationship.
To be zealous, to want to take care of the other and to feel that little bit of jealousy in a relationship without impositions and feelings of possession. This is the description for a healthy, natural jealousy in loving relationships.
Too much jealousy doesn’t do well and can even kill a relationship! If you have a jealous boyfriend/girlfriend, you need to know how to handle her/his insecurity and minimize it over time, making your relationship healthier.
The cause of this feeling is different for each person, but the jealousy in excess causes the same damage to all people: resentment. Jealousy can be a sign of deep insecurity, and an extremely low self-esteem, though a little bit and from time to time it can be even good and healthy. But remember: a little and sometimes.
In excess, it can harm, cause problems or even break up any relationship. It reveals a lack of trust, and for a healthy relationship, trust is extremely important.

What is jealousy?

Jealousy in a relationship is the fear one has of losing the other to a third person. Normal jealousy is fleeting and based on facts. Anyone can be jealous. After clarifying the fact, everything returns to normal. Most people view jealousy as proof of love, zeal, and even appreciation from the partner. However, for others jealousy is a proof of insecurity and low self-esteem. This is normal jealousy.

What is sick jealousy?

Unhealthy, or pathological, sick jealousy is the unconscious desire for a rival's threat, as well as the sense of obsessive possession of total control over the feelings and behaviors of the other.
It’s characterized by being always exaggerated, without having an apparent motive that makes you have this type of attitude or keep surrounding the other in a controlling way, taking away his freedom, not letting him have a social life, unless you’re present.
Unhealthy jealousy is a controlling and domineering way of life of the other. In many cases jealousy can lead to death from revenge and even out of fear of losing the loved one to another. People with this kind of feeling need psychological help and even medications that can help give him more security and get rid of that horrible feeling.
The unhealthy jealous person has no control over his feelings and attitudes and ends up making attempts to dominate his partner. The person who is jealous in excess suffers a lot. And he takes away the freedom and the individuality of the other.
Excessive jealousy has been misclassified as "too much love”, which is a romanticizing a destructive feeling. This denomination for jealousy out of measure gives the idea that there are limits to love.
Exaggerated jealousy may also relate to experiences already experienced in other relationships. This may be related to a past experience or the person's own fantasies of infidelity.
In times of social networks, the attempt to take control of the partner even continues in this virtual environment. With the password, they monitor the profile of the partner.
There are several types of people. The romantics, the disconnected ones, the carying too and so on. However, there’s only one person who often gives the other many problems: the jealous one.
One of the most common reasons for ending a relationship is because the person had difficulty coping with her jealous, controlling and possessive partner. Jealousy reveals itself in many ways, and dealing with it is a serious challenge. A person who is in a relationship with someone jealous and controlling, sooner or later will feel unhappy and even smothered. As a result, she will begin to lose interest and attraction to her partner.
But let me ask one question: Is the other person to blame?

Involuntary collaboration

The partner who suffers the "attacks" is not guilty, but can collaborate involuntarily.
He feeds unhealthy jealousy without knowing as much as he agrees to submit to what the other asks. For example, if when asked about who sent him e-mails, even at work, he responds, gives satisfactions, the other will feel entitled to do it always, acting in a more and more incisive way.
Anyone who has ever had a partner who complains all the time about your friends or people you go out with knows how annoying it is to have someone all the time trying to control you. Unfortunately, this kind of relationship in most cases ends up in separation.
If you still love this person and want to do as much as possible to make that relationship work, here are some tips for dealing with a jealous partner and trying to improve your relationship.

Don’ settle for a jealous partner

If you have a jealous partner, who is always trying to dominate your life, this is possibly due to an insecurity on his part. So don’t view your relationship as a lost case, as it’s possible to work on this sense of insecurity and leave him confident about your love.

Introduce all your friends

One of the first things you need to do to deal with a jealous partner is to introduce him to your friends. Possessiveness, jealousy and lack of confidence are often driven by the fear of the unknown.
Letting your partner begin to become familiar with the people you habitually relate to will end with the "unknown" element. Once he gets to know your friends better, he will feel much more secure and protected when you are with them.

Engage him in your social activities

Jealous partners can create fantasies and illusions in their minds when they are feeling threatened. Every time you go out with your friends, they will end up thinking about what you’re doing, who you are flirting with, or who is hitting on you.
To make him feel better and stop imagining things, try to involve him in your social activities for a few months. Let him realize for himself that you’re doing nothing wrong and that your friends are just friends.

Do your part

If you don’t want him to be jealous, start by changing some of your behaviors. If you're always talking to other people and always posting provocative photos on social networks, it's normal for him to be even more jealous. As a good girlfriend/boyfriend, you should know the limits in this situation. Believe me: sometimes you’re part of the problem.

Be careful at the beginning of the relationship

Once you have the right attitude, it's time to avoid the first mistakes of a relationship. The first few times he shows jealousy, put a brake on your boyfriend's attitudes. Don’t make the mistake of not doing something just because he had a jealous attitude. In fact, giving in at the beginning of the relationship to this kind of attitude can pave the way for worse situations to recur in the future. Explain to him, early on, that exaggerated jealousy is detrimental to the relationship and that if he continues with it, both of you may be harmed.

Accept the problem

If you are aware of your partner's excessive jealousy, ask yourself if you really love him. If the answer is yes, and you want this relationship to work out, you will have to have a lot of patience, and gradually gain confidence and change that. However, it’s very important to stay calm and know that this won’t change overnight. Accepting means not fighting or arguing about it with your partner.

Try to cheer him up

As stated earlier, jealousy is often caused due to the insecurity of your jealous partner, and all of a sudden the only thing he needs to improve is for you to demonstrate that you only have eyes for him.
Experts believe that the best way to make the other person feel more secure is communication. The more sincere and healthy the conversation between the two of you is, the more your partner will trust you and vice versa. You will become even more connected.

Don’t play games

Someday we've all "played games" for someone to feel jealous, but that's not a good thing to do with a jealous partner. As stated earlier, from time to time a little bit of jealousy is even good, but in a relationship where it’s already present constantly, the best thing to do is to avoid it.
Flirting with other people in his presence, ignoring his calls and messages and playing with his feelings are very dangerous things, because he can take it very seriously and his jealousy can get worse and worse. If you know he's really a jealous partner, avoid these types of games and don’t tease him!

Let him know that you love him

If you’re dating someone who has a lot of friends and is quite popular, jealousy is only justified because the relationship is still fresh or he’s still unsure about your feelings for him.
If he questions about your interest in other people or gets annoyed with your friends, maybe you just need to let your jealous partner know that you love him and no one else. It must be made clear that even if you have a conversation with an attractive person, this is not really a scenario for a romantic affair.

Reassure him instead of being angry

Jealousy is actually a call for help, not a way to show dominion over you. So if you find him in a bad mood or sitting in a corner, don’t be upset or angry at him. Instead, you need to remind the jealous partner how much you love him. You’ll see a big smile and see that over time it’s possible that you face these jealousies together.

Know when things get to the limit

If you've tried all the techniques I've explained above and none of them worked, maybe it's time for you to talk seriously with him: either he stops with that kind of attitude or the relationship ends. Most unsuccessful relationships happen because one person didn’t know the end point of a problem. Sometimes it’s best for you to forget this person. Eliminating a problem could be the first step to another happier relationship.
Also, this person you are relating to may even "open his eyes" to the excessive jealousy and become more aware of his exaggeration when you show him the limits.

Couple therapy

This can be indicated, when jealousy is focused on the partner who doesn’t accept his illness and therapy, thereby making it easier for his to accept therapeutic care for both.
The behavior/therapy analysis can guide and analyze the patient who feels threatened by situations or people. In this way the therapist will seek with the patient new ways to make him feel better and safer in this relationship, making this satisfactory and extremely positive for the couple.
Therefore, the most important tip for overcoming jealousy is for the couple remember that they love each other, both the person feels and the person causes this emotion in the other, especially because there are also many cases where partners want to cause jealousy in the other and that too is considered a form of asking for love. It’s rather inadequate yes, but it’s still a naive and poorly elaborated way of drawing attention to the other and claiming his love.