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January 31, 2017
 

Online Dating

Finding out who I really am

Life is really very strange. I have always dated boys, but for some time now, as I said in my previous post, I have started to notice a lot my friend Camila. I don’t know what it is, but I feel something more than friendship. The urge to kiss her, to hug her, to just be with her and throw all the rest to the wind, even what people will think of me. Am I becoming a lesbian?

But what happened?

As agreed, I decided to spend the New Year with Camila. We decided to go out for a picnic, but not a normal picnic. As it is very cold, we picnic in a tree house. My family traveled during the New Year. We could have spent the New Year inside my warm house, but we chose the "adventure”.
We made all the food and brought it along with wine and margaritas to warm the night. We took lots of blankets and bedding. We also took a heater. It even looked comfortable.
The night was beautiful and very fun. We talked about many things and drinking made us laugh out loud and talk nonsense. That's when it happened: we kissed. And wasn’t a plain kiss. It was a French kiss. And we kissed a lot! To the point of rolling on the ground with hands touching inappropriate places.
From there, it turned out that we were through to the end. Yes. We had sex.
The next day, when I woke up next to her, I felt a mixture of shame and headache (because of the hangover.) I went down from the tree house earlier and went into my house. When she woke up and went downstairs, she found me in the kitchen, making breakfast. The silence was embarrassing. That was when Camila began to tell me things that I found very cool and I decided to share with all of you who, like me, find yourselves in this situation.

To have a lot of questions is normal

My friend who is going through the same thing as me, first, know that all the questions you have are normal. It's a knot in the head anyway. After all, from one day to the next (in due proportions), as if in a magic spell, you began to see your friend with other eyes. Your heart beats stronger at being on her/his side. Everything she/he does is funny, beautiful. You just want to be with her/him, ask her/him opinion on just about everything. Anyway, it's all beautiful and wonderful.
Okay. I know that you or a lot of people will say that it is normal to have this feeling for your best friend, but what changes is that, besides all this, you happen to desire her/him. You would like to embrace your friend, kissing her/him on the mouth, caressing her/him and be caressed, to the point of wanting to throw everything to the wind and just be with her/him.
If this is the case, it is no use trying to escape from your feelings. You must see them and accept them. Relax and let it happen, because the conflict in your head can make everything worse. It can make you anxious, and make you commit some nonsense you may regret later. And don’t worry about being a lesbian/gay. Nowadays, what matters is being happy, and nothing better than living your sexuality.
I confess that I remained afraid (as I am right now), but my desire to be with her was much greater than my fear. The result: we keep meeting and kissing... and doing more things.
I may still not be 100% certain about what my future will look like, but I have some things I would like to say to people who are going through the same situation as me. I did a lot of research on the internet, and I talked to a lot of people here on the dating site. I decided to add here some of the questions I had and basically what all these wonderful people told me:

What determines a person's sexual orientation?

Scientists still have no definitive answer as a particular sexual orientation develops in any individual. Several theories have suggested different sources for sexual orientation, including hormonal, genetic or congenital factors, as well as experiential experiences during childhood. However, many scientists share the view that sexual orientation is shaped in most people in the early years of life through complex interactions of biological, psychological, and social factors.

Is homosexuality a mental illness or an emotional problem?

None of this. Psychologists, psychiatrists and other mental health professionals agree that homosexuality is not an illness, mental illness or emotional problem. Quite objective scientific research conducted in the last 35 years shows that homosexual sexual orientation itself is not associated with social or emotional problems. In the past, homosexuality was thought to be a mental illness because mental health professionals and society had prejudiced information about homosexuality, since most studies only involved lesbians and gay neurotic men in psychotherapeutic treatment. When the researchers examined data on gay people who were not in therapy, they found that the idea that homosexuality was a disease was terribly wrong.

Is sexual orientation a choice?

No. For most people, sexual orientation emerges in early adolescence, even before any sexual experience. Some people report having tried, for many years, to change their sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual, without success. For these reasons, psychologists do not consider that, for most people, sexual orientation is a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed. Therefore, you shouldn’t say "sexual choice" but "sexual orientation".

Why do some homosexuals talk to people about their sexual orientation?

Sharing our intimate lives with those you love is important to our mental health, especially when you are a victim of discrimination. In fact, the process of identity development for gay men and lesbian women, often called "taking over", has been considered as an important psychological balancing factor. The more positive the gay or lesbian identity, the better your mental health and the higher your self-esteem.

Why is taking over a difficult process for some people?

Because of false stereotypes and unfair prejudices, the process of taking on gay men and lesbian women can be a major challenge and even cause emotional problems. Lesbians and gays often feel "different" and "lonely” when they discover their attraction to the same gender. They may also fear being rejected by family, friends, co-workers and religious people.
In addition, homosexuals are often subjected to discrimination and violence. This threat of violence and discrimination is a major obstacle to the personal development of gays and lesbians. Countless young homosexuals suffer physical and verbal aggression from their families, some are driven out of their own homes, others are summarily rejected when searching for work. A large part lives under severe psychological stress. That is why you, who are assuming, or are taking notice of your true sexual orientation, should be smart and not let the illness of others (prejudice - homophobia) ruin your life. You have the obligation to be very, very happy with yourself.

What can be done to help gays and lesbians overcome prejudices and discrimination?

Many things can be done. It all depends, to a large extent, on you and the seriousness with which you face life. However, people who demonstrate more positive attitudes towards homosexuals are those who generally know one or more homosexuals. For this reason, psychologists believe that negative attitudes towards gays as a social group are the seed of prejudice, rather than real experience with lesbians and gays. Therefore, they are based on preconceived stereotypes and ignorance or homophobic religious grounds.

Can therapy change a person's sexual orientation?

No. While homosexuality is not a mental illness and there are no scientific reasons for attempting to convert lesbians or gays into heterosexuals, some individuals try to change their own or another person's orientation (eg parents seeking therapy for children).
Some therapists who use this type of therapy, report having changed the orientation of their clients (from homo to hetero). A close examination of these reports indicates, however, several factors that cast doubt on such "cures": many of these conclusions come from organizations with an anti-homosexual ideology and not from respected researchers in the field of mental health - charlatanism; Many of these treatments and their results are insufficiently documented; And the patient's follow-up period after treatment is too short to confirm the "cure".
But, of course, not all homosexuals seeking therapy want to change their sexual orientation. They can seek advice for any of the reasons as other people do. In addition, they can seek psychological help to take on or deal with prejudice, discrimination and violence. There are also cases of bisexuals who are unhappy with their homoerotic experiences: in any case, the therapist must always help the individual to achieve happiness.

Why is it important for society to be better educated about homosexuality?

The education of all people regarding sexual orientation and homosexuality tends to reduce anti-gay and lesbian prejudice. Accurate information about homosexuality is especially important for young people struggling with their own sexual identity. Fears and taboos that hinder the disclosure of this information can undermine the healthy definition of a person's sexual orientation. Free sexual orientation is a fundamental human right!

Assuming a different sexual orientation from what is considered "normal"

Sexual orientation refers to what each person thinks and feels about himself and about his affectivity and sexuality and for those who are attracted affectively and sexually. A person is considered:
  • Heterosexual: if you are especially attracted to people of a different gender;
  • Homosexual: if you are especially attracted to people of the same gender;
  • Bisexual: if you are attracted to people of both genders.
Homosexuality and bisexuality are just other variants of human sexuality, such as heterosexuality. The awareness that if you are gay (gay or lesbian) or bisexual usually comes in the teenage years. The way to discover it is different from person to person and almost always involves a period of confusion and many doubts.
Some people say that somehow they always knew they were "different”. When they realize that they are homosexual or bisexual, they finally see, illuminated many of the confused feelings they had felt throughout their growth. Others only discover their sexual orientation at the time of the many changes that occur during adolescence. There are still those who only realize that they are gay or bisexual when they reach adulthood.
The discrimination and stereotypes associated with homosexuality and bisexuality still mark a lot who are confronted with their sexual orientation. If there are those who accept and assume with some fluidity, many people tend to deny or hide their true sexual orientation.
It is important not to feel pressure to define one's sexual orientation. It is a process that takes time. What a person feels he truly is, is what is certain to be.

Thank you, dating site!

All the information I wrote here was passed on to me and very well explained by wonderful people on the dating site. We are living in a difficult world, yes, but at the same time we can meet wonderful people online! Thank you all for your support. I still have many questions, but I will move on to continue discovering who I really am.