Yesterday I went to meet Camila. From my previous post, you know that I was very nervous. I really admire Brazilian women and I always wanted to be friends with one. So the prospect of finding a Brazilian girl, that even lives in my city, was making me so nervous! But I went.
How was to meet a Brazilian girl?
We met in the morning at a coffee shop. I recognized her at first sight (and apparently she recognized me soon too). We ordered some coffees and started talking. She said that she had been living here in the United States for only half-year and that it was the first Christmas and New Year she had been away from home. She said she spent Christmas alone in the apartment she shares with a few more girls. I told her that, if I had known this before, I would have invited her to spend Christmas with my family. She liked the idea so much that she suggested we do something together in the New Year. I was surprised and very happy that she had already considered spending this time of the year with me.
I decided to show the city to her. We went to some sights. She said that it was also the first time she saw the snow and that she was very cold. Really, she seemed to be feeling very cold, poor thing! ^^"
We spent all day together. We had lunch and, at the end of the day, we ate something together. She's very outgoing. It seemed like we've known each other for years. It was a lot of fun and we agreed to talk more over the internet about how we would schedule our New Year’s gathering.
Now comes the awkward part
Don’t judge me. Please. I'm going to write this here because this is my blog and I promised I would record all my new thoughts and experiences. But... I felt attracted to her. Attracted, you know? Physically speaking. Like I said, she's pretty outgoing, so she was always touching me or approaching me. When that happened, I felt chills all over my body and butterflies in my stomach.
I also realized that sometimes I stared into her mouth... wondering what it would be like to kiss her. I'm scared. Really! I've always liked men. I have had boyfriends and, as I said here on the blog, I even got engaged. I've always been with men all my life and now I've met this woman who's making me confused.
And what will she think? She approached me like a friend, waiting for friendship in return. And how do I reciprocate? Feeling inexplicably attracted to her! How am I going to deal with this? What the hell does that mean? How will I and talk to her over the internet or spend the New Year with her?
Sorry for the outburst, but I'm super confused. I needed to put everything here. Besides that, I don’t have much more to say. I'll finish the post here, but I'll keep you all informed.