No matter how hard we think it is, there are some things we should not say when it comes to sex, simply because they can cause huge discomfort and hurt the other person. It's like when you get a lot of criticism and then you don’t know very well how to act in front of someone. If you need to say something, speak with affection and never accusingly. Think about what you would like to hear from your partner about it and do the same.
You're making out with your boyfriend or a new guy, kisses over here, hands over there, and it seems like you completely lost your ability to speak when it comes to sex. On the one hand, this can be a real gift, since it is common for people to speak without thinking at the end of the act, or worst… during it.
Sex is when we are most vulnerable, most exposed, so it’s normal for any commentary used to speak ill of ourselves to take advantage of the moment, and the fact that we’re distracted by the thoughts, to go over our heads. So, the main rule is: know what NOT to say during sex and keep comments and criticisms (constructive, okay?) for a heartfelt conversation out of bed. Not worth ruining an intimate moment because of something said without thinking, right?
It's not just what you do in bed, what you say also greatly influences the quality of the sex you have. You can say extremely sexy things that will make your partner crazy horny, but you can say things that are extremely flimsy and put you in a bad situation. If you say something wrong, it can be very difficult to repair the damage. Here are some things you should not say to a man in bed.
"Are you done already?!"
Or the variations "Was that all?", or worse "Is that it?". These are great phrases if you want to crash with the guy's ego. You might even be saying this because you're genuinely surprised, because the other time was so good and lasted so long, but what he hears is that his performance was horrible and you hated it. Avoid this kind of comment, swallow the surprise, and if it does happen, find a moment away from the bed to discuss it.
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"You took out the trash?"
When you have thoughts unrelated to sex during the act, such as chores you need to do or something that you remembered, don’t bring it up during sex. This not only breaks the mood completely, it shows that you’re not focused on what is happening. The result is that your partner may feel insecure about his own performance because he thinks you’re not enjoying the moment. Save anything “extra” to be said after the moment has passed.
"You're not done yet?"
And the variations "Have you come?" and "How long to finish??" are terrible things to say. Nothing demonstrates your lack of interest for sex with this guy (or maybe the guy himself) than to ask if he's finished. It looks like you're doing it out of obligation and you're counting down the seconds for the whole thing to end soon. If you don’t feel like having sex, then don’t do it. Best for you not to do it forced and better thing for him that won’t be having sex with a woman who most resembles an inflatable doll.
"We need to talk"
Is there a worst phrase than that? Certainly not. Don’t use sex to discuss the relationship or problems that you think may exist between the two of you. This not only completely ends the mood, but also tells the other person that what he does in bed has something to do with the subject. If you need to talk about some aspect of your relationship, do it outside the bedroom and never during sex.
"The other time was better"
Or any phrase that refers to a better performance he has had in the past. Neither you nor him are good in bed all the time, so come on! Don’t say anything because it's really going to hurt him. Maybe he's done his best. However, if you are dissatisfied with sex in general, it’s best to have a nice talk and discuss what is missing in your sex life. But you should do this on another occasion and not during sex.
"Was it good for you?"
Do you really need to ask?
The lack of confidence and self-assurance in those words is troubling. Why are you worried? That your partner didn’t have an orgasm? That you had one too fast? That your performance was disappointing? All three? I can’t prove it statically, but I believe that that eight out of ten people suffer from those insecurities and uncertainties during every sexual encounter. So you’re getting to know each other. Just relax!
"I don’t like this!"
Remember not to criticize your partner's performance during the act. If you need to say something, comment after and in a positive way, not making fun of something he did. During sex you can direct his hand and mouth to where you want to be touched and kissed, for example.
"But my ex..."
Forget any comparison with your ex, regardless if it's a positive comparison (saying he's better than your ex, for example). There’s nothing worse than bringing up the image of an ex, even more so in such an intimate moment. Just think: if it was the opposite, would you like it? Of course not! So keep any kind of comparison just in your head. If you want to compliment him, simply do it. If you have any criticism, talk to him later and report your dissatisfaction (in a nice way).
“Say that I'm beautiful"
Or ask something like "Am I fat?". Girls, men don’t like insecure women, period. In day-to-day situations, they may even have patience and reassure you that you are beautiful, that you have everything in the right place, but during sex, they want sex! Not to mention that certain things like asking if you're fat don’t have a right answer, right? What if you've actually gained some pounds since the beginning of the relationship and he says you're not, but you say he's lying? Avoid insecurities and just have sex, for God’s sake!
"You're very sweaty"
Sex is that. You sweat, spit out liquids, there's saliva involved, it all blends in. Talking like this seems like sex is bad, but it's not, and you know it. Sex is very good. No man wants to have sex with a woman who keeps regulating positions or pointing to the "lack of hygiene" that sex imposes. Men want to have sex with women who give themselves to sex. Of course, you can have your limits, but be sure that aversion to sweat will sound really weird to them.
"I thought it was bigger"
Whatever you say that implies that his penis is small will be a reason for a great drama, so prepare yourself. Men are extremely insecure about their penis. You can complement how well he uses his tongue, his fingers, how he makes you tremble, but insinuating that his penis is small… and the world will end.
I know that you really want that, so you can keep having sex, but telling him not to cum can just blow everything away. He's focused on holding back something he can barely control and he's totally away from sex while trying to keep himself from coming until you have an orgasm. He might even be using his last resorts to keep it all under control, but as soon as he hears that, it can be an instant trigger.
Do you like aggressive sex? Marvelous! Talk to your partner about it. When you're asking him to pull your hair, slap your face, act rough with you, or push into rough sex, he may be nervous about what is OK and what is not. You need talk it through beforehand so you're both comfortable and getting what you want.
"Oh no! I came so close, but I didn’t come"
This is a classic difference between men and women. For men, there is no sex without orgasm. For women, the concept of "sex" is much broader because it is much more difficult for them to reach orgasm. It turns out that for men one of the greatest sexual satisfaction is knowing that the woman liked sex and preferentially that she had an orgasm. If he doesn’t ask, then don’t say anything, just tell him how he made you tremble and things like that, always with sincere compliments. If he asks (and he should not ask, but men like to ask these things), tell him the truth. Then have a talk and explain what sex is to the woman and ask him to stop asking if you had an orgasm.
We were educated at an early age to be grateful for any kindness and what could be gentler than a man making you enjoy yourself maddeningly, giving you an unforgettable night? So you should thank him, right? WRONG! In sex, it’s an exception. No one held the door for you nor handed you the card that you dropped from your purse. There is a difference when acting out in the open, in society, and between four wall during sex, so let's act accordingly.
Lack of honesty
Men don’t like women who pretend not to like sex. If the woman pretends not to like sex or if she really doesn’t like it and waits for the act to end to talk about it, it can cause immense discomfort for the man.
Lack of initiative
Men don’t like women who never initiate sexual intercourse and prefer to always leave everything in their hands. Every human being likes to feel wanted and to be seduced.
Many women during sex only lay in bed as if they were corpses. This doesn’t allow any man to feel attracted to them. Your participation is extremely important and you have to be more active.