The other day, a friend told me he had an argument with his girlfriend. She said he had a Peter Pan syndrome and she had no interest in being her Wend. I went online looking for anything like that syndrome and surprise: there are a lot of Peter Pans and Wendies out there having the same argument.
After my research, here is what I found about the Peter Pan syndrome: as children we want to behave as adults. On the other hand, many adults never want to stop being children. The behavior of a Peter Pan consists not only of immaturity and irresponsibility, but also of the desire to be constantly pampered and cared by... you guessed it: a Wendy.
These are the major traits of a “Peter Pan man”:
- He is constant denial of maturity and desires to be forever young, with no responsibilities or consequences.
- They are happy, cheerful and fun people.
- They run away of typical responsibilities of adulthood. Often this irresponsibility can have traces of rebellion.
- They are dependent and need to have someone who meets their needs at all times.
- In this sense, they are afraid to be left alone with no one to take care of him.
- Many of them have traits of narcissism and self-centeredness.
- Their relationships never last for long since they have a hard time committing to anything.
Quite often the Peter Pan fins a Wendy to himself. A person who will cherish and take care of him, drowning in a so-called “Wendy complex”.
What are the traits of a Wendy?
- While the Peter Pan needs constant care, the Wendy woman needs to please and keep her partner happy, becoming vital to him.
- She is always concerned about his partner, ensuring that everything is to his liking and acting in a motherly way.
- She can’t say no. She takes on the responsibilities of his partner and downplays his misbehaviors.
- She will do anything to seek acceptance and to avoid abandonment.
- She is overprotective and is willing to sacrificeher own needs. Her inferiority complex sometimes increases the Peter Pan aspect of his partner.
How is the relationship between Peter Pan and Wendy?
The Peter Pan man usually seeks care but rarely is willing to take care of his partner, while the Wendy woman is always there to satisfy his needs, putting herself in second place.
Changing this pattern can be hard and challenging and requires a great effort from both sides. The Peter Pan should abandon the idea about eternal youth and start looking for the bright side of adulthood. He also needs to take responsibility for his own acts and start committing himself to the relationship. The Wendies out there need to start with self-love. They should focus more on themselves and they need to understand that love is much more than sacrifice.
Both Wendy and Peter Pan must find a middle ground where both of them can have their needs meet and be there for each other at the same time.
Do you consider yourself a Peter Pan at any level or have you met any Wendies recently? Share your story!