Despite the title of the article, I was not always that way. I was not always a guy to marry. I know I'm not ugly. God, no more than false modesty! I know I'm cute as hell (:p). I've had a lot of relationships with women and it's always been wonderful. have not met the woman of my life yet, but I can say that I am now looking for her. But what made me change my mind?
It all happened after my last relationship ended. I did not care, but she told me something that stayed on my mind. She told me that I was a person of "pocket relationships”. This is not the first time I heard this. I think it was Bauman who created that term (search on Google, ok?).
Anyway, what she told me made me very angry. The more I thought about it, the more infuriated I became. Then I realized. The point was not whether the girl was right, but that the subject was bothering me. It was then that I realized:
Directly, I was giving up too easy on my new relationships, even friends
Whenever some conflict arose I would simply give up and move on to another friendship, as if my friend was a cellphone surpassed by another model with more resources. I was treating these friends as "pocket friends" ready to be used when I needed them, to be kept or simply forgotten.
In an indirect way, my relationships were totally being totally pocket relationships
I realized that I was "discarding" the girls in the first discussion and indirectly discarding my happiness. I realized that it was becoming habitual for me to say phrases such as "you're too good for me," "it's not you, it's me," or "I'm not ready for a serious relationship”. The funny thing is that I never asked them what they wanted. I just finished and moved on.
I confess it was very difficult to accept that my relationships were following this "pocket relationship" model. I decided to explore them. I thought about my last three relationships and wondered why I had dismissed those girls.
Initially, I didn’t want to admit my behavior. I thought I'd never use a person, put her in the refrigerator, and when I was missing some affection or sex, lonely on a Friday night, I'd look for her. But wasn’t that what I did? It was then that I asked myself:
Do men still want to get married? Do they really believe in marriage? Why?
I believe so. The same reflection I had, other men may have. The environment of online dating sites may not seem like the best place to find someone to marry, but I dare to disagree. Just as you want something serious, someone else wants it too, and the internet is the best place, with the best tools, to make it happen.
I think many men want to get there, but they just don’t know how.
Happy New Year!