The internet will help you look back on dates as an adventure. You won’t know what you’ll find, but if you embrace this new situation, it will definitely be something fun and ultimately rewarding.
A bar of chocolate in your hands, a movie on the TV – preferably romantic and very mellow – pajamas, hair tied in a ponytail and a pile of dirty handkerchiefs right next to you. It would be comical if it weren’t tragic. Although the sight of a newly single woman is almost a cliché of romantic Hollywood comedy, ending a relationship is not funny at all.
For women this is usually a phase of introspection and rediscovery of them as an independent and free human being. Being isolated can be difficult and even sad. It’s difficult to relearn how to be self-sufficient after spending a certain amount of time sharing our lives with others. Complicated, but necessary. Check out these tips to recover quickly from an unsuccessful relationship and be ready for the next one, which is sure to be better.
Never give up on finding love
Unless you’re one of the few lucky ones, dating just after ending a relationship makes you feel vulnerable in a way you have not felt for years.
Until recently, you enjoyed the stability that came with your old relationship, and now you’re experiencing the immense ambiguity of not knowing when, where or if you’ll find someone worthwhile.
Finding comfort in being single and dating again is your ultimate goal.
The good news is that you’re presumably wiser than before. Probably learned something from your previous relationship. You have a good sense of what worked well and what didn’t.
You have probably already thought about what you want (and what you won’t tolerate) in your next relationship, and you’re likely to be determined to do things differently in order to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past.
This is the first step in healing the mourning period, so don’t try to look strong. You won’t be able to overcome the loss by hiding it, so prepare the little box of tissues and start throwing out what is doing you harm.
It was bad, it hurts and crying, more than a right, is necessity right now. Cry yourself out, wash your soul, but be careful: don’t disturb your friends with too much crying, because the idea is not to make drama, put yourself in the role of victim or ask for advice all the time. You don’t need much advice right now, you need to detoxify from this old love.
It's not easy, but it's the best thing to do. After a valley of tears, get a way to return all your ex belongings that are still with you, as well as to retrieve your things that eventually have stayed with him. Yes, everything, without grumbling. If possible, do this through someone else. The less you two meet, the better.
Some women may have the (false) feeling that meeting the ex-boyfriend will make him rethink the decision to end things up. This strategy, as well as inefficient, can be turned against you. You certainly don’t want to see the guy with another person so soon. Delete him from all social networks and with that, delete all possibilities of getting hurt even more.
If possible, go shopping. Choose new clothes, a book you've been wanting for a long time, a beautiful shoe, makeup items or all the alternatives. The important thing is to remember how wonderful you are by being who you are. If the guy didn’t see it, the problem is his, there will be someone who’ll see it.
Spend time with yourself, do your nails, watch a show you like on television, go out with friends if you feel like it, spend a whole weekend doing nothing specifically. You have to be the most important person in the world for yourself.
We are totally responsible for turning a failure into learning. Understand what happened, what went wrong, the wrong behaviors you had and what you could do better to be different. Make a self-analysis of the situation. A great way to organize thinking is by writing. Write a diary or ideas in a notebook or blog. Be honest when writing and you’ll see how you’ll feel better later.
Try going outdoors
Just as nature has an immense ability to heal itself, so does it has a miraculous power to heal us! Spend time outdoors exploring open spaces! If you don’t like fauna exclusively, the flora has many options to offer. You can choose from several options such as trekking, hiking, camping and even gardening!
If you’re equally intrigued by the fauna as much as the flora, you can visit nature reserves, take part in safaris, visit sanctuaries or even volunteer in an animal shelter! This works because it makes you forget about yourself and your sorrows. Be in the presence of something much bigger than you, walking through the green spaces, knowing wildlife in its natural habitat, this can all provide an "out of body" experience and improve the healing process after ending a relationship.
There are places you have visited with your ex, places filled with memories of afternoons together, nights in peace, many romantic dinners. You can’t erase those memories, your mind doesn’t have a delete button, and tapping your own head to cause amnesia is not a viable solution! So what to do?
Replace those memories! Make new memories! Visit again those places that remind you of the relationship and create new memories there!
You may think it's a cruel thing to do with a person who was so important. How can you replace new memories over the old ones? Well, you have to do it. If you want to heal, you have to do it, for the sake of your mental health.
“Moving on” is a funny phrase. It's like those riddles where the answer is hidden inside it. Try thinking about it for a few minutes. See if you can find out...
Haven’t you noticed yet? It's simple, really! Move yourself! Go on a vacation. Get out of the city and all those memories.
Move from the house you shared with your partner and find a new one! It makes sense to search for new apartments and neighborhoods. This means ending a relationship! You've finished a chapter of your life and now you have a new page for a new tale!
Now move on
Now that you have dealt with issues related to ending your relationship and made up not only with singleness but with happiness, you’re ready for the next step. Flirt with someone new, date, have fun and keep doing the things that make you happy. Open your heart. This inner happiness that you've found leaves a person full of life and this, along with some lessons learned while dealing with the ending of your relationship, will probably lead you to finding TRUE LOVE.
How to start dating again?
If you’re like most people in this situation, you may wonder how you’ll fit into dating now that you’re older. You may want to know how to act more efficiently, so you’re not wasting your time in the wrong places with the wrong people.
This is what you need to know to lay the groundwork for a fun date that can lead you to a long and lasting relationship.
You're never too old for love
You're definitely not too old to find love. You're only older than you were last time. Just like you, single people with your age range tend to have the wisdom of experience, and men are more interested in a woman's personality. Women are less prone to drama. Many people are still attracted by youthful energy, passion and optimism – they live inside you despite your age!
People of all ages are dating and entering into serious long-term relationships. To want to love is a primordial desire of human beings, and it doesn’t go away as people grow older.
Technology is your friend
Be friendly and sociable with everyone. Single people are everywhere, and you’re more likely to meet them when making new friendships and connections.
Once the moment of pain is over, relationship apps and sites can also be interesting in this new phase, as they should act as a catalyst, speeding up the process of meeting new people. However, people using this tool need to be prepared to deal with rejection.
Use technology to your advantage. Research effective ways to meet people online and learn how to best use these sites and apps. Remember that no one was born knowing how to meet people through online dating sites, so just go with the flow.
In the same way that it facilitates first contact, these apps and sites also expose the user to a large number of people, increasing the change of meeting someone new.
Beware of the attraction
Being attracted to someone is simply an opportunity to know that person better, not a sign that he/she is your other half.
Don’t be afraid to have multiple dates
You may not know how things will turn out after just one date, and if you think you can, you’re making up a story for yourself. Keep having dates with several people until you find someone who might actually want to be with you in a relationship.
Give yourself time to get to know the person that interests you the most (as well as meet others) before you commit to someone. Don’t waste your time committing yourself to someone who only sees you as one of many options.
Dates require time
Having dates is all about meeting people and finding out if you care about each other, and whether your values, goals and personalities are aligned. You can’t tell if you’re good for each other to have a serious relationship until you haven’t known each other for a long period of time.
A great flirting is not the same as a great companion
Flirting and being a good person to maintain a healthy and enduring relationship requires different skills. Don’t believe that just because someone is good at flirting that this person will consequently be a great companion.
Keep your baggage to yourself
Everyone has a "baggage": their history and intimate and personal details. And you’re responsible for this. Wait until you have dated several times with someone to tell about your own baggage, and after a few dates, begin to reveal the details about your life and past relationships gradually.
Don’t let your past experiences become a problem. You’re looking for a potential partner, not a therapist.
Beware of people who just want to have casual dates
Some people choose to have dates because they don’t want to commit to a serious relationship. They just want a companion to have fun from time to time, or the famous "friends with benefits”. Most will casually talk about it while you're dating.
If you keep dating this person after he says he’s not interested in a serious relationship, he’ll automatically assume that you also just want something casual.
That’s it. These are the first steps. Take it slow and when you’re ready, come online to meet new people! :)